This is something I did recently. I don't know what it says about me; maybe you'll applaud me for it, or maybe you'll think I'm a pillock. Truth is, I'm not bothered either way, as long as you find it an interesting story.
I was returning home from a short walk the other day when I noticed a car parked outside my house, a BMW.
I wasn't surprised - the road I live on gets clogged up with cars, and it's normal to have at least one of them parked nearby.
As I approached it from the rear, the driver's door opened and a hand emerged. The hand jettisoned a load of rubbish onto the pavement, slipped back inside, and closed the door.
I found myself reflecting on the fact that whoever was in that car had just deposited rubbish on the pavement right outside my house.
And as I covered the six yards or so that separated me from the vehicle, I felt myself getting mega annoyed.
When I got to the car, I stopped and grabbed the door handle. It wasn't locked, so I pulled it open, bent at the waist, and stared in at the driver, who turned out to be an attractive young woman talking into a cellphone.
She stopped talking and stared at me.
"What do you think you're doing?" I asked. "How would you like it if I parked outside your house and threw rubbish on the pavement? Make sure it doesn't happen again."
I shut the door, resisting the impulse to slam it forcefully.
As soon as I'd shut it she pressed a button which wound down the window.
"I think it's very rude to open someone's door without knocking," she said. "You should have knocked on the window to get my attention."
"You were rude when you threw your rubbish onto the pavement," I said. "If you hadn't been rude, I wouldn't have been. If you start being polite, so will I. By the way, you should pick that rubbish up. It's not right to leave the place looking like this."
I went into my house fully expecting her to leave the rubbish where it was.
A minute or two later I returned to the scene of the crime armed with my camera. My intention was to take a photo of her, her car, and the rubbish, report her to the authorities, and generally make a meal of it.
However, much to my amazement she'd taken notice of me and picked it up.
So I knocked on her car window.
She wound it down, looking, I have to say, rather apprehensive.
"Thank you for doing that," I said. "You've made the place a lot tidier."
So some of my stories have happy endings after all!
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